Elizabeth’s Poetry
| This Trophy Reads: INTERNATIONAL POET OF MERIT AWARD Presented to ELIZABETH NORRIS on this 17th Day of November, 2002 BY THE INTERNATIONAL SOCIETY OF POETS |
| I started writing poetry when I was a young girl at school, it seem to come naturally to me and it was a way of expressing my feelings in a way that people could understand. My friends were always asking me to write poems for them and I enjoyed writing them. I think when one reads a poem it catches people’s attention more than just a sentence or paragraph and they are more likely to read poems than they would otherwise. I entered a poetry competition in 2002 and actually won an award, ‘shock, horror’, I didn’t think they were that good. After I had my children I didn’t seem to have much time to write poetry and I didn’t write anything for years. It was only after I got sick with M.E. that I had time on my hands and that’s when I started writing again to explain to people how I felt. The following poems are the result of this and I think you’ll agree that poetry expresses my feelings quite well. I hope you enjoy reading them. |
| Elizabeth Norris Mrs. Elizabeth A. Hulcoop (nee Norris) elizabeth.hulcoop@ntlworld.com |
| WRITING POETRY IN BED |
| I wrote this poem before I fell ill with M.E. |
| As the light shines in my window, And the curtain gently moves to and fro. The stars glisten in the big black sky And the birds homeward bound do fly. The moon with its face stares at me, How I wonder what that moon can see. So many faces, young and old and Stray little kittens left out in the cold. The clock ticks away as time goes by Another day ends and I let out a sigh. My weary body lays here in bed Writing poetry, I should be sleeping instead. In one more hour another day begins And hopefully God will forgive us our sins. I lay down my pen and peacefully sleep And now another moment in poetry I’ll keep. |
| DOCTOR DON'T UNDERSTAND |
| To all the doctors who don’t understand, I came to the surgery for your helping hand, I’m not a hypochondriac, stupid or lazy, I’ve come here to tell you my body’s gone crazy. Why won’t you listen, your no better than me I’m an intelligent person, why can’t you see. After hundreds of visits to your surgery, Only to be told "Its only M.E.". Until you have had this disabling disease, You can’t understand, so listen, sir, please. |
| AN APPOINTMENT WITH THE DOCTOR |
| An appointment at the doctors I made a week ago To update him on my progress I am feeling very low. I muster up the strength to get myself all ready Grab my coat and handbag my legs they feel unsteady. What am I going to tell him I feel I’m at a loss I have about three minutes to get my plight across. It takes about ten minutes to walk the marathon And by the time I get there my energy reserve has gone. I watch the old age pensioners waltz in the surgery And laugh at the prospect they’re in better shape than me. I try explaining to the doctor this is going on for years, I cannot lead a normal life my eyes well up with tears. He’s given me antidepressants for fatigue and help me sleep But there’s no magic answer and I begin to weep. I take away my prescription with a tissue in my hand I wonder if he really wants to understand. I go into the chemist another six pound spent I haven’t any money but it will come out of the rent. I’ll try another tablet and rest a little more Will it really work though? No-one really knows for sure. |
| FATIGUE |
| I feel like I am paralised, I cannot get out of the chair. My brain is telling me "get up!" My body’s not moving a hair. Time tells me I’ve been here an hour and the jobs are still to be done. But my body just won’t listen and my arms and legs weigh a ton. I finally manage to move them, yes, we’re up and moving around… But now slumped back on the sofa, there’s no energy to be found. My mobile bleeps a message, someone wants to know how I am. But does anyone really believe me? Or even give a damn? I text them back a message, "Not too good today". Then sit and cry for ages, I just don’t know what to say. I’m trapped in a body that’s broken my spirit fighting to get out. On the outside I look normal. "What’s all the fuss about?" "If my arm was dressed in plaster or I was bandaged round my head. You could see that I was poorly and make me rest in bed. Now I am telling you this story and I hope to make you see If you know how I am feeling you could help someone like me". |
| B R A I N F O G ! |
| Brainfog is suffered by all with M.E., Its one of the symptoms that’s difficult to see, Your mind is all muzzy, a funny sensation, It’s quite like the feeling of inebriation. In a world of your own as you stare into space, Unaware what you’re doing, a blank look on your face. It can happen quite sudden, any time of the day, In mid-conversation you can forget what to say. Reading the newspaper which you haven’t yet read, You turn the page over and forget what it said. Doing the shopping becomes a major event, At least the receipts will account what you’ve spent. A calendar in the kitchen a reminder of dates, In fact any occasion and a list I create. When it first happened I cried all day long, I couldn’t accept that I was doing things wrong. I did typing and computers at college one year, And passed with distinctions which advanced my career. But now I cant think straight and brainfog is why, I’m a blithering idiot, although I do try. My friends try and tell me "you must learn to laugh", "What does it matter, you are doing things daft"? When the weather is cloudy it can also be sunny, Brainfog is horrid, but sometimes quite funny. |
| A Typical Day |
| I wake up in the morning feeling like I haven’t slept Did I have a hangover? The light fantastic had I stepped? Had a two ton truck come and hit me in the night? Or a famous wrestler did I have to fight? I struggle from the duvet in the hope that life might come. Dress my weary body at least that’s one job done. Making tea’s an effort and my arm’s no energy, Sit myself on the sofa and dwell in lethargy. Hour after hour brings no relief at all I stand to do the washing and feel like I will fall. I’ll sit and do some knitting or sewing or watch T.V. Maybe in an hour I’ll have more energy. I must attempt a job now can’t sit and mope all day Maybe if I’m busy it will up and go away. Nearly half the day gone think I’ll have some lunch Maybe just a sandwich and crisps that I can munch. Should I chance a walk now? Just down the shops maybe, Exercise is good for you or so the experts say. My head is feeling dizzy my nose begins to run I’ll need a box of tissues before this day is done. What did I come to buy now? My memories getting worse I’m in the shops to pay now but I cannot find my purse. I hang on to the counter whilst I forage for some money The customers are laughing but I dont think this its funny. Nearly back indoors now just a little way to walk Put my head to the floor now not in the mood to talk. My life is very boring it’s nothing to gossip about When theirs is full of pleasure and makes me want to shout. The day is nearly over just the evening meal to do Get something out of the freezer, oh dear, a, T I S S U E ! Husband is at home now, what did you do with your day? Today I climbed Mount Everest, tomorrow I’ll sail away. |
| FINE ONE MINUTE... NOT THE NEXT |
| I got up in the morning, didn’t feel too bad today I think I’ll go out shopping, or visit my friend Kay. I get myself all ready, have lunch and wash the pot But it’s becoming quite apparent that my head is getting hot. The pressure’s started building in my head quite quickly, My stomach’s started churning and I feel quite sickly. My foreheads getting hotter and my balance now unsteady I’m feeling pretty awful but the taxi’s here already. I grabbed the analgesics, swilled them down, then hoped and prayed I’d feel much better in an hour and I’d keep the date I’d made. Arriving at my friends house not feeling well at all Now standing in her kitchen feeling like I’m going to fall. Now sitting on the sofa, cannot drink my cup of tea Still feeling very nauseous, but grin politely. I try to keep my vision in one place, so I don’t spin Let her do the talking so my lunch, it may stay in. An hour nearly gone now and my head not quite so hot My stomach’s not so queasy and my headaches now forgot. Its left me feeling tired but I enjoy the visit more Only have an hour left before the taxis at the door. Kiss my friend goodbye now, tipped away my cup of tea Said we’d do it again one day, next time she’d visit me. But why did I feel so awful? It started so suddenly I wish the doctor could find a cure It’s such a mystery. |
| My M.E. Head |
| My head feels like it’s stuck in a cloud, All white and fluffy with peaks so proud. The thick white mist makes it difficult to see, Through the fluffy cotton wool where my brain used to be. With pulsating pain in the sides of my head, And my aching eyes which have now turned red, My brain is confused and my memory is poor, I can’t seem to concentrate on a task anymore. I move my head quickly, and my vision unsettles, As my train of thought, and my brain now wrestles. The cotton wool swells, and the pressure increases, My mind cannot cope, my thoughts are in pieces. My head now settled on the pillow at night, The darkness surrounds me and shuts out the light, And although I’m so tired and to God I do pray No sleep befalls me and I’m the same the next day. |
| The Life in me has gone... |
| My legs feel very heavy and my arms are very weak I’m finding it a struggle to even try and speak. I’m not just feeling tired its difficult to explain It’s a total and utter sense of being totally drained. Just having a conversation can exhaust my energy It means I have to concentrate when someone talks to me. Shopping is a problem to buy a birthday card As reading makes me dizzy so balancing is hard. Celebratory parties have always been such fun But now I’m near on dropping when the music’s just begun. I really am not boring I want to be included But this disease is killing me and my life is now concluded. |
| Explain M.E. |
| I was asked to explain how M.E. makes me feel And since when has being tired been such a big deal. I don’t look any different so how do they know They cant see the symptoms and the pain doesn’t show. According to some people ‘Its all in the head’ If only they knew… what keeps me in bed. Its like waking one morning and you’ve aged 50 years You cant see the affliction but you can tell by the tears. I haven’t the energy to try and explain As my head is now pounding please don’t ask me again. |
| CHRONIC FATIGUE SYNDROME |
| C is for the chronicity of this disabling disease, H is for the headaches, a constant pain without ease. R is for the rash that I have on my chest, and O is for how often that I have to rest. N is for the neck pain and neuralgics I take, I is for the insomnia that keeps me awake. C is for the colds and viruses I dread, and F is the fatigue that keeps me in bed. A is for the allergies and anger I fight, T is for the twitching in my muscles at night. I is for my immune system that doesn’t exist, and G is for the swollen glands that persist. U is for the unsteadiness when I try to walk, and E is for everyone that sneers when I talk. S is for my short term memory loss, and Y is for the youth that I seem to have lost. N is for the nausea that controls what I eat, D is for the depression, despair and defeat. R is for the redness that shows in my eyes, and O is for all the other symptoms that arise. M is for the muscle weakness that’s hell, and E is for the effort it takes to get well. |
| Learning to laugh at M.E. |
| Who needs a gin and tonic, to make you sick and sway, I just get up in the morning and feel like it every day. I don’t have to get up early, go to work and earn a crust, I can stay in bed in the morning and watch the telly gather dust. I can sunbathe in the garden and visit friends for tea, Swapping bits of gossip and talking of M.E. Watching daytime telly, the news will be on soon, With Kilroy in the morning and neighbours this afternoon. If I choose to go out shopping I get the front seat on the bus, And when my limbs are aching I get to make a fuss. I leisurely walk to the doctors to greet the receptionist, Doctor gives me happy pills and rest he does insist. I don’t know what the fuss is I can do what I want to do M.E. allows me to be lazy, don’t you wish you had it too? |
| INTERNATIONAL M.E. AWARENESS DAY - 12TH MAY |
| By reading this poem I have written for you, It will make you aware of what I'm trying to do. C.F.S. also known as M.E. Is a disabling disease of which affects me. With crippling fatigue and muscular pain, A nauseous tummy and an aching brain. The constant dizziness and viruses I fight, The mental confusion and insomnia at night. I had to stop working, which made me annoyed, As all through my life I was always employed. My life was so busy, I enjoyed it you see, I thought I was invincible, how wrong could I be. I've written a book and my website's on show, Come and visit the site the address is below. I've called it The Rag Doll and you will see why, When you visit the site, I hope you will try. Thousands of people in silence endure, This neurological disease which has no cure. Physical symptoms brings depression as well, Because living like this, is like living in hell. We don't want your sympathy we want you to care, Wear a blue ribbon and make the public aware. International Awareness is on the 12th May, I want everyone to know that, "THAT IS OUR DAY!" |
| The Rag Doll: http://mysite.wanadoo-members.co.uk/theragdoll You can read extracts from The Rag Doll here on M.E. Support in Elizabeth's Diary. |
| © 2001 E. A. Norris |
| Please Tell-A-Friend about my M.E. Support articles, including Dioxins & Toxins which I wrote back in January 2003. |
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